Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Are you or someone you know a Control Freak?

Want to know if you're a control freak? Here are eight signs for your self-diagnosing pleasure.  There's nothing like having a Dom who is a Control Freak.

  • You believe that if someone would change one or two things about themselves, you'd be happier. So you try to "help them" change this behavior by pointing it out, usually over and over.
The Key word is "YOU".
  • You micromanage others to make them fit your (often unrealistic) expectations. You don't believe in imperfection and you don't think anyone else should either. 
Life is filled with imperfect people, even Doms.  
  • You judge others' behavior as right or wrong and passive-aggressively withhold attention until they fall in line with your expectations. Sitting in silent judgment is a master form of control.
My father did this to me and it's a horrible thing to go through.  It's perhaps one of the reasons I'm a spanker.  I don't sit in silent judgment and condemn.  When misbehavior arises it's taken care of with a spanking and it's over and done with.
  • You offer "constructive criticism" as a veiled attempt to advance your own agenda.
It's taken me years to work on giving "constructive criticism".  It used to be I'd just give it and now I am far more patient to give it ONLY when I'm asked to give it.
  • You change who you are or what you believe so that someone will accept you. Instead of just being yourself, you attempt to incept others by managing their impression of you.
I used to think that being a spanker was something I should change.  I felt that way in part so I would be accepted when it came to dating women in this day and age.  But the truth is I discovered that being myself, in a big part a Spanker, is who I am and I just needed to be me.  Now I'm far more happier.
  • You present worst-case scenarios in an attempt to influence someone away from certain behaviors and toward others. This is also called fear mongering.
Trying to manipulate others is really such a waste of time and effort. 
  • You have a hard time with ambiguity and being OK with not knowing something.
There are a great many things I don't know and will never know and I'm totally okay with that.  Besides there are a great many things I do know.
  • You intervene on behalf of people by trying to explain or dismiss their behaviors to others.
I use to do this when women in past relationships would vent.  I thought my correct response was to come up with solutions.  I've since learned that sometimes you just need to be there and listen.

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