Understanding the dynamics of spanking

It seems there are more people into BDSM than just spanking, or Domestic Discipline.  To me BDSM is more of a play fantasy escape that couples or people share from time to time.  I think if you say you're into BDSM it's safer than saying you're into, or participate in Domestic Discipline, HOH, spanking.

I've talked to a lot of Spankers and spankees over the years and many still don't understand the dynamic of spanking in context with Domestic Discipline.  Many will have this idea that it's abuse.

Every couple, when getting married, take vows.  The promise to do this and that and so on and so on.  They've most likely had many talks with each other about how their married life will be, or at least dream it will be.  There are hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of couples out there who took their vows and agreed on a great deal of things that would and wouldn't happen in their marriage but had know idea that their spouse would get drunk and beat them regularly.  Or that they had an anger problem and would take out their anger on them and the children.  The list can go on and on.

So, when my wife and I first got together it was understood that I spanked.  She agreed with my philosophy that from time to time a wife needed to go across her husband's lap for more than just one reason.  Believe me, my wife is a strong independent woman and if she didn't want to get spanked she would be able to fight it.  Since, I don't believe in physically taking her across my lap it is something she has to submit to.  In other words, I either send her to our room and tell her I'll be in there shortly.  In which she bares her bottom and waits for me to come in and administer her spanking. Or I will tell her I'll meet her in our room.  In that case I'm sitting on the edge of the bed, she comes in and strips from the waist down and puts herself across my lap for her spanking.   Neither of us see NO abuse there.

In addition, for me, each time that happens I gain a tremendous amount of respect for her.

Noticing her avoidance to getting spanked!

It's been clear lately that my wife doesn't want to find herself in this position in the kitchen.  She doesn't mind being bare from the waist down because she knows I enjoy her being like that.  However, she doesn't like that spanking that can come with a kitchen that's not kept up.

I give her a lot of credit for doing her best to stay on top of things. I notice her effort and appreciate her very much.  She's even seeing other things that need to be taken care of and working on those things too.  The carpet for example is seeing a lot more vacuum cleaner usage and she's making a serious effort to keep the couch clear of miscellaneous items that should be put away.

Spankings are the Great Motivators for wives!

There have been a few things around the house that are in need of my wife's focused attention.  Over the years I've discovered that when I merely hint that something needs to get done, and she knows it's something she's been putting off, she starts getting it done.

She has a strong desire to get things done but allows other things to get in the way to distract her.  Soon there's this little thing that didn't get done and then that thing that gets put off because this other thing happened.

Over the years I've watched her add things to her schedule, or routine, that gives her an excuse for not getting something else done.  She has a way of putting things off and it takes putting her across my lap, baring her bottom and making her wish that she hadn't put things off in the first place.

She hates getting spanked but she also agrees that she needs the spanking.  Spankings are the great motivators for wives and that's not just my opinion it's hers too.

Structure!

I've realized that what my wife needs is structure to help her focus on the basic things that need to get done around the house.  So I came up with this to help her in providing structure!  Comments are always welcome!

For those out there needing to burn Calories!

The Fine Line between Abuser and Loving Disciplinarian!

As a spanker in a DD relationship I find my self walking this line between abuser or Loving Disciplinarian.  I believe I have a great deal of empathy for others and when I see a behavioral problem with those I have authority over I do a great deal of contemplating as to what would be the most effective way to correct the behavior.  

To me, it's not always a spanking.  I don't see myself as the ultimate judge and executioner for every behavioral problem my wife seems to have and then decide on a daily basis that a spanking is in order.  To always bring myself back to zero so I can weigh each situation clearly I recall my wife's thoughts and feelings on her getting spanked.  To paraphrase she doesn't like them but recognizes that for her they are necessary because she needs help to focus on things.  She gets all consumed with something and then everything else is left undone.  This wouldn't be a problem if it happened once or twice a week but with her it's literally a daily thing.  

I have no desire to hoard over my wife with a belt and seek out reasons to spank her.  However, I don't really need to seek out reasons because the reasons are all around me.  If I let them go too long then I get frustrated by what she's doing or not doing and then I'll throw my hands up and say, "I'll just do it myself so it gets done."  I do that because of that fine line.  But I am reminded that she understood full well that I'm a spanker and WE did agree there would be, and are, set rules.

Being firm and consistent isn't being hoarding and abusive so I've decided that's what needs to happen for awhile so she can get back to a productive schedule and be able to deal with drama, both small and large, and keep chaos down to a minimum.

How every husband should be greeted, or else!

Do you give her want she wants or what she needs?

Most of us are caught up in giving our spouse what they want and we forget about those things they need.  Does your wife need a diamond ring bigger than most?  Does she need to have her own way most of the time?  Does she need to get away with things she shouldn't do?  Or does she need a good ol' fashion spanking.  Many times that's also what she wants.

A Spanking Novel by Ron Edwards

My wife would be the first to admit I have a very active imagination.  Over the years I've come up with a lot of ideas on a book that I've been wanting to write.  Of course it's about spanking but it's also part science fiction with true life events mixed in.  For those of you readers who might be interested in purchasing my book I've wondered if you'd rather buy it in short excerpts or buy the entire book at once.  I'd really like to hear from everyone having an opinion.

The 'Christian' movement that tells husbands to SPANK their wives 'to correct misbehavior'

By Ashley Collman
 
A growing number of married American couples are agreeing to allow husbands to keep their wives 'in line' by taking to corporal punishment.

The trend is called Christian Domestic Discipline and much of what is known about the practice is published on the website Learning Domestic Discipline, published by husband and wife CDD duo, Clint and Chelsea.

The website states: 'It is an arrangement between two adults who share the belief that the husband is the head of the household and with that position comes the right to enforce his authority.'

Clint and Chelsea have also written a 50-page packet on the practice called Beginning Domestic Discipline.

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Manifesto: Learningdd.com is a source of a lot of information on the new painful Christian trend

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Discipline: In CDD, husbands spank their submissive wives in order to correct misbehavior

In the packet they describe CDD as a ‘practice between two consenting life partners in which the head of household (HoH) takes the necessary measures to achieve a healthy relationship dynamic.’ 
That translates to all methods of punishment, not exclusive to spanking. Clint and Chelsea advocate lecturing, removing privileges, corner and bedroom time – essentially the ways most people discipline their children.
For CDD enthusiasts, this type of punishment isn’t sexual in nature.
Vera (anonymous last name),  who is in a CDD relationship with her husband told The Daily Beast that the practice is in no-way sexual.
'The pure CDD people don't go there. A lot of folks think of Fifty Shades of Grey - but this is not that.’
Spanking is clearly the bread and butter of this kind of relationship. Eighteen pages of the CDD manifesto are dedicated to spanking and how to properly go about administering spanks.

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Tools: A hairbrush is one of the listed items sanctioned for spanking on in the Beginning Domestic Discipline packet

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Paddle: A wooden spoon is another spanking tool. In the packet, Clint and Chelsea warn that one of the cons with this tool is that it 'can break easily'

Clint and Chelsea talk about all aspects of spanking such as the ‘awkward’ first spanking, the various tools that can be used to administer the spankings, what position the wife should be in and the pros and cons of spanking over or under clothing. 
Corporal punishment at home obviously leads to questions about whether or not this is domestic abuse. Clint and Chelsea stress in their packet that CDD should only practiced by consenting adults and that the HoH should never punish while angry.
‘If the HoH becomes angry, they must do whatever it takes to get themselves back to a calm, reasonable, rational, level-headed, and collected state before making any decision or carrying out any punishment.’
But as evidenced on many forums dedicated to CDD, the practice has turned violent in cases.
‘I wanted the spankings to stop and my husband told me it was either DD and marriage or divorce. I chose divorce. I couldn't handle the pain of spankings anymore, emotionally or physically,’ a woman named Michelle wrote on a popular CDD blog found in reporting by The Daily Beast.
What’s scarier is how little fear is expressed in these forums.
XOJane writer Laura Rubino investigated the issue and trolled the internet looking for horror stories but was surprised when she ‘didn’t find as many of those as I was expecting to.’

 

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'Most of the women who write about their CDD experiences online are not complaining. Many of them report feeling extremely calm and relaxed after being disciplined, and believe it is an expression of their husband caring about them and their marriage, enough to help them modify their behavior,’ Rubino said.
The punishment, Rubino said, offers these women a clean slate and they don’t have to worry about passive aggressive tension after a fight.
While many of these women rave about CDD, it’s not something that Rubino would voluntarily sign herself up for.
‘Walking around my own home, conscious of the fact that any perceived transgression could result in physical pain and a surrendering of control of my body? That would stress me the f*** out. I don't find that sexy at all. Scary, yes. Hot? Not so much.'
Jim Alsdurf, a forensic psychologist who has written a book on abuse in Christian homes, agrees. 
‘No fool in his right mind would but this as a legitimate way to have a relationship. A relationship that infantilizes a woman is one that clearly draws a more pathological group of people.’
Even conservative Christians aren’t behind this trend. Radio host Bryan Fisher told The Huffington Post that he finds no basis in Christianity for such a relationship. He described the trend as ‘horrifying,’ ‘ bizarre,’ ‘unbiblical’ and ’un-Christian’.
'God in the New Testament clearly asks wives to arrange themselves under the leadership of their husbands (in Greek, the word 'submit' means 'to arrange under.') But there is no place where husbands are instructed to make their wives do it or punish them if they don't.'

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Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2346393/The-Christian-movement-tells-husbands-SPANK-wives-correct-misbehavior.html#ixzz2uR2BC6HF
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So far I like what I've read about this site!

From www.humbledfemales.net

Humbled Females teaches the virtue of female submission to those who are so inclined to pursue this path. We believe such females are best suited as loving, caring, and servile counterparts to their men.

We believe in the good in a man, and the potential within him to be a strong source of guidance, discipline, leadership, and protection for a woman. We are committed to exemplifying the excellence of the ideal male archetype, giving honor and dignity back to the male sex, particularly in a surrounding culture that often attempts to marginalize it.

Humbled Females is a safe haven for submissive women who are driven by fantasies of complete subjugation to their alpha male ideal. To that end, we choose to explore how the innate drive for submission to male authority in the female reveals the core of her animal nature, and how best it can be refined as a path for her own carnal and spiritual attunement, a path often enshrouded in the contemporary West’s new directives for the sexes. We believe dependence upon and submission to a man is not degrading, but attractive to the true essence of femininity.

Humbled Females is for women who serve their male counterparts consensually with lucid desire and passion. We are devoted to providing literary resources, observation exercises, and further inspiration in refining the female mind toward improved service, loving obedience, and the essence of femininity, which we believe at its heart is yielding, respectful, gentle, and pliant.

We do not believe a woman who lives this way is flawed. While we respect the rights of others to live differently, we do not see the submissive female as inadequate, insufficient, unsound, or out of touch, as many of her contemporary sisters often do. We see a woman who serves her man as a return to the wisdom of her symbiotic animal nature, unclouded by modern assertions that she should do otherwise.

We believe in helping men learn what dominance truly is. We reject the condescending attitudes about maleness culture tends to sell to young men and women and work to dissect the mythology of male power (and weakness) in society today, so as to build a foundation of awareness, nobility, and character in men that is reality-based and free of misandrous propaganda.

While feminism and female submission are not necessarily exclusive, we certainly do avoid the influence of radical feminism, working through numerous manifestations, to unseat/degrade the masculine. We reject influences of socially fashionable male bashing, believing the desire for social equality is good, but demeaning the male sex to achieve that goal is ignoble and harms both men and women.

We celebrate the sexual force between male and female, and while we believe the erotic is the natural medium through which male and female bond, submission is not only about the flesh. We feel the aspects of emotion, intellect and spirit in submission are equally important if one aims to be submissive in the truest sense of the word.

Being Dominant!

For me, being dominant isn't really a matter of choice, it's simply part of who I am.  I'm also sensitive, caring, loving, artistic, philanthropic and so much more.  All of us have many sides or parts that make up who we are.

For me, being dominant isn't being domineering either.  My father was domineering and that led to an unhealthy fear of him.  My dominance is more benevolent. 

I've met a lot of dominant men throughout my life who were far more domineering in the unhealthy sense than in the benevolent.  Those who dominate through fear do so because they seek control.  In part to control others but more so to have control in their lives.  The truth is that their lives are more out of control and the more out of control the more domineering they are to others.

My dominant personality is centered more on equalizing moments of life than it is in controlling anyone.  My wife, for example, has an unbalanced life.  She gets caught up in the moment and before she realizes it that moment has turned into hours.  The result is that she spent a lot of time on one thing and no time on other things that should have been given her attention.

What helps her a great deal is the reminder that she needs to spread out her time and do other things and not just focus all her attention on the one thing.  Her reminder is a good sound spanking.  It reminds her before the spanking by thinking about what she did or didn't do that got her to the point of the spanking.  It reminds her as she's getting spanked when I bring up what she failed to do as I'm spanking her.  It reminds her after the spanking when she sits down and she things about how she could have avoided the spanking if she would have simply completed other tasks rather than let them go.

Being dominant means a following through with what needs to be done too.  For me it's only natural that I'm dominant and my wife is submissive to me.  That is how she sees it too.  If we were both dominant our life together wouldn't work and if we were both submissive that couldn't work either.  For me being dominant is like breathing.

Discipline is good for your wife!

Discipline is good for everyone really but discipline in the form of a good ol' fashion bare bottom spanking is the best way to get across to any wife that she needs to obey her husband!

She's my Valentine!

This lovely picture (above) is my wife's Valentine to me.  She proudly perks it up for either spanking, fucking or both.  Today is the perfect day to give my Valentine something she's needed for awhile.  A good sound spanking.  No excuses, no talking me out of it, just a good spanking that will give her white bare bottom that nice red glow I've come to love.  Happy Valentine's Day!!

Surprise is the best method!

I've found it best to not tell my wife she has a spanking coming but instead just lead her to our bed room, bare her bottom and start spanking.

Today's pleasant surprise!

I really enjoy coming home, after a long day at work, to a clean house.  For me, the instant you walk in the door says it all.  If the living room is a mess and not vacuumed it sets the stage.  I got home and the living room was picked up and vacuumed and I was wonderfully surprised.  I'm sure my wife likes it picked up and clean too but I must admit I wonder if she did it because she likes it that way or because she thought she would get spanked otherwise.  Either way is good to me!

Sometimes you just have to spank!

No matter what others think, in her mind she got just what she needed and deserved!  She knew what she needed to do and she was given plenty of time to get it done.  She knew well ahead of time what was going to happen if it wasn't done so her red bottom isn't a surprise to her at all.  In the end, she respects that fact that she was taken in hand by a real man who wasn't afraid of doing what needed to be done!

Don't be a Sadistic Spanker!

If I've learned anything about spanking it's that you can't just spank because you can.  My wife has been going through a very rough time do to stomach problems.  Her doctor started her on a medication that seemed to provide some relief of the pain for awhile but it wasn't doing the job completely.  More tests were done and now new medication should take care of what was going on.

So I explained that to explain that during the last 3 or 4 months things, as in rules, haven't been getting done.  Any other asshole Dominant Husband might just spank away and not consider other factors.  I don't spank just to spank.  I look at as much of what's going on as I can.  Are there emotional issues going on that need to be addressed, such as illness, a death in the family or a friend and so on.  You can't just spank because you want to spank that's not right.  

Things have gotten lax around the house but with this new medication I'm hoping first and foremost that my wife is feeling better and back to her ol' self.  Once she is it will be much easier for her to get caught up with things.  It's not just what I want in the matter it's also what she wants.  She wants things to be in order and clean.  She wants to go to the gym on a regular basis.  But first she wants to feel better and not be in pain all the time.

New parking sign in our driveway,..I wish!

A good wife, a good spanking!

Usually it takes a minute or two into her spanking before there's much of a fuss.  A fuss might be my wife simply getting louder vocally as the spanking goes on.  This time she was a bit more emotional because the parking tickets turned out to be more than we were told because of extra fees.  Plus the time, gas and extra trouble it took to get to the court house.  

She certainly got spanked and it was sound but this time she was crying 20 seconds into the spanking and by a minute she was putting her hand back to protect her bottom.  This is something she's never done before so I didn't see it a rebellious and trying to get out of the spanking.  The crying and the hand back there was telling me she was REALLY sorry and also emotional.  I kept going but didn't make the spanking as long and as hard as I have in the past and the next day she suggested we finish the spanking because in her mind it wasn't has hard and long as it should have been.

That's another reason why I love her.  But the fact is it's over.  She was spanked emotionally and then physically so there's no need to spank again for her tickets.  I just don't want to see unpaid tickets, or tickets again.